A Midnight Wander (05 Aug 2025)
“Christ, here he comes again.”
“You really don’t like this one do you?”
“You know I don’t. He’s the one with that umm with the-”
“Oh that one, well you didn’t have to push him so hard. I kept telling you to stay out of it but you wouldn’t listen…”
“Come off it Sam, I barely touched him and you know it. I just wanted to let him know some of his facts were a little, well, off.”
“A little off.”
“Yes, a little off. We both know I never made it to thirty-seven, God knows I tried. Every night I was out here with my axe but you only have to get it wrong once…”
“Where did you end up? The boys and I have had a pool going for years. No one wanted to ask.”
“To be honest I’m a little embarrassed. I don’t think I’ll tell you.”
“Oh come on Frank, there’s no judgement here. Half the people on this tour never made it past four.”
“Alright alright,”
“Well?”
“…eight.”
“EIGHT? The ‘Axeman of New Orleans’ and you only managed eight?”
“Now listen here Sam you said you wouldn’t judge-”
“I’m not! I’m not. You know I only had nine. Never quite reached the double digits…it’s just, you know, to have men like him coming by my door every night screeching about ‘the cobblestones running red with the blood of the axeman’s victims. The sound of his blade terrifying the night. You even wrote a bloody letter to the papers and only had eight?!”
“Alright, ALRIGHT Sam. Look I tried my best but before I knew it everyone had an axe in their hands. I tried to keep ahead of it, make mine ‘unique’ but after a while I just let the papers give me credit. Honestly I’m a little embarrassed by the whole ordeal. Please keep this to yourself Sam.”
“Fine, fine. I don’t know what I’d do with the money anyway…oh look here he comes.”
“GATHER ROUND FOLKS, GATHER ROUND! YES THAT’S IT! COME CLOSER! AS WE REACH THIS FINAL SPOT ON THE TOUR IT IS TIME FOR ME TO TELL YOU ABOUT MY OWN EXPERIENCE WITH THE SPIRITS OF NEW ORLEANS!”
“Does he have to be so loud? We’re already awake with nothing better to do but-”
“YES RIGHT HERE AT THE HOUSE OF THE AXEMAN I WAS GIVING A TOUR JUST LIKE THIS ONE WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN I FELT A FIRM PUSH ON MY SHOULDER, WILLING ME TO THE GROUND WITH MY NECK RIPE AND EXPOSED.”
“Oh come off it I just tapped your shoulder you cockroach.” “Are you sure Frank? He looks rather like your type…” “Sam, are you serious? I resent that accusation, you know I had no idea about that. It was always dark and I could barely see what-” “Shhh Frank he’s getting to the good part!”
“IF IT WASN’T FOR THE GOLDEN CRUCIFIX TUCKED ROUND MY NECK I’M SURE THIS WOULD HAVE BEEN THE END OF ME AND BIG EASY GHOST TOURS. I COUNT MYSELF ONE OF THE LUCKIEST MEN ALIVE, AND YOU CAN BE TOO IF YOU STEP INTO OUR GIFT SHOP HERE…”
“Oh I forgot about the crucifix thing, Frank, are you even Catholic?”
“Of course not. I’m Episcopalian.”